SEGUNDA CONVOCATORIA- HENRY MORGAN

Se abre la segunda convocatoria de joda colectiva en esta bitácora imposible.
AHORA SE TRATA DE MICROTEXTOS, DE CAPÍTULOS QUE EMPEZARÁ QUIÉN QUIERA Y CONTINUARÁ CUALQUIER QUIEN QUIERA
Seguramente esto se llenará de talentos no reconocidos ansiosos por deslumbrarnos con sus creaciones.


domingo, 22 de marzo de 2009

CONVOCATORIA A SONETOS MÁS O MENOS ERÓTICOS Y/O SEXUALES.

VAMOS, PONIENDO SU SONETITO:
(LO DEJAN COMO COMENTARIO Y DESPUÉS YO LO PASO A LA ENTRADA)



DE ANDREA:





Soneto ginecológico.

Un soneto me manda hacer Santiago
acerca de cuestiones femeninas:
Los célebres estudios de rutina
que cual mina que soy siempre me hago.

El espéculo frío y sin halago
se introduce duro en la vagina,
y a relajarse una nunca atina.
(¡Si tengo un jabonazo que me cago!)

Mas la impresión no es nada, os lo juro,
mucho peor es la mamografía:
ambas tetas te aplastan sin apuro.

Y cuando el tormento por fin cedía,
viene el médico y dice muy seguro:
“Nos vemos en un año” ¡Qué alegría!











Debo separar las dos propuestas
ya que chancho y erótico se anulan.
Muchos cientos de ideas se acumulan.
Trataré de elegir las más apuestas.
Si siempre me gustó joer un poco
y también joder,¿a qué lo niego?
contaré aquí mis vicios más ocultos
que incluyen ¡cómo no! comerme un moco.
Lo otro, lo sexual ¡intransferible!
a mis torpes afanes literarios
y copiar (afanar) es preferible.
A desarrollar la técnica me aboco
que siempre he soñado en mis delirios:
introducir los dos testigos locos.

24 de marzo de 2009 4:52





A Santi ya la joda le acongoja,
no tiene con qué darle a la patraña:
por más que intente con su sutil maña
no evita que el desánimo me coja.





DEL GAUCHO "PATA RAJADA"





En el bló de Don Santiago
se armó concurso ‘e soneto’
acerca ‘e loj vericueto’
del seso y otroj dilema,
maj tengo un serio problema:
¡Hace tiempo no la meto!




Resulta que aquella tarde
que ejtaba yo con mi china
se largó una lluvia fina
y yo le dije: “¿Qué hacemo’?
¿Tomamoj mate o cogemo’?”
Y me miró muy ladina.




“Mejor me hago unaj torta’”,
dijo mi china dijpuejta,
y se lo juro por éjta:
cazó la alforja máj honda
y se ejcapó, muy horonda,
con la menor de loj Cuejta!




Y desde esa tarde aciaga
sobrevivo a paja pura,
porque se me pone dura
y el chiripá se me ensancha
cada vez que veo una chancha
que ej una preciosura.




Y ujté dirá: ¡Gaucho zonzo,
por qué no se va pal queco!
Qué quiere, si ando maj seco,
como una laucha de pobre.
Y si ujté no tiene un cobre,
ninguna le fía el hueco.




Pues ya le digo, aparcero,
en la soledá del cuarto
de la manuela ejtoy harto!
Maj no se me acerque mucho;
capaj que me ataca el chucho
y a ujté mijmo me lo ensarto!






2a- DE LA FLACA



Parece manso, mas la oreja moja;
busca a la Flaca con dulce artimaña,
mas nada es posible en esta maraña:
a la Canaria todo le sonroja.




DE LA ROSSANA



Cuando ellas se enclitoriaron bicéfalas
místicamente se amaron sin dios
con manos alertas y dos mil ráfagas
de besos mojados con sangre de dos.
Cuando ellas sin hombre se atravesaron
lamieron ávidas las oquedades
duras las lenguas espadas rojearon
los pechos servidos como manjares.
Carnívoras enredaderas rubias
Al fin dormitan de piernas abiertas
Resbalan en sus cabelleras sucias
de sudor, de sangre, por siempre ardientes
sueños satisfechos de amazonas libres.
Espasmos ahogados de culpas yertas.



DE "EL HOLANDÉS ERRANTE"



Escróticamente navega aquel hombre
por incandescentes orines oscuros
dejando un reguero de verdes y puros,
hermosos soretes que la brisa hamaca.


No sé por qué mierda navega ese hombre
la oliente cloaca que está entre dos muros
si por vela luce un condón usado
y por bote tiene solamente caca.


Y sigue remando por sémenes viejos
este viejo adusto de remar pausado
y piensa y me dice que de esta manera
cagando y cagando va a llegar a Itaca.


DE "EL TORDO"


El Pedido
Mandemé en nombre paisano
De la amistá de nosotros
Algún muy bonito orto
Bien sobadito a mano
Bolee cualquier travesaño
Cuando salga pa´ Rivera
Resguarde bien su cartera
Y esconda los cartones
Suebran por esas regiones
Putos pa´robar chequeras.
Ni fiado, ni tarjeta
efectivo han de pedir,
por que marica sotreta
solo piden para vivir.
Los prefiero de a garrón
Pa` hombre que monta a iguales
Y aunque no es muy de orientales
Son fáciles de culear
Briscos, travestis y Nanás
Dos machos por dos reales.
No les haga jugarreta
Ni los llame maricón
Por que esos negros careta
Lo ponen en un apurón
Los prefiero de acordeón
Pa bailantas y entreveros
Y aunque le usen un culero
No le afloje a la tenida
que ellos se hacen de unos pesos
al salir pa la avenida
Cuando me lo traiga vamos
a pasear por el lupanar
porque tanto tomar Old Parr
muy mamados nos quedamos
por que si a hablar empezamos
de putos y de jaranas
de quilombos y charangas
travestis que conocemos
seguro que la tendremos
paspada de la mamada.
perdón por todo

133 comentarios:

andal13 dijo...

Acá estoy, como quien dice, desflorando el blog. Trataré de que mis sonetos futuros sean más eróticos y menos clínicos.
Y a ver con qué se descuelgan los demás soneteros (empezando por el dueño de casa, no sé si se llegás a percibir una cierta humedad en la oreja).


¡Jijiji!

FLACA dijo...

Bueno, también podrían ser sonetos alejandrinos, ¿no?, es decir, de 14 sílabas.
Para aclarar la muy buena explicación de Santi de cómo rimar un soneto, va la siguiente estructura de la rima: ABBA ABBA CDC DCD (cada letra distinta es una rima distinta; o, dicho de otra manera, cada letra que se repite es la misma rima repitiéndose).
Por ahora éste es mi aporte.

Santiago dijo...

Ta bien Flaca, flexibilicemos la propuesta, pueden se alejandrinos, ta.

juan pascualero dijo...

Debo separar las dos propuestas
ya que chancho y erótico se anulan
Muchos cientos de ideas se acumulan
Trataré de elegir las más apuestas.

Si siempre me gustó joer un poco
y también joder,¿a qué lo niego?
contaré aquí mis vicios más ocultos
que incluyen ¡cómo no! comerme un moco.

Lo otro, lo sexual ¡intransferible!
a mis torpes afanes literarios
y copiar (afanar) es preferible.

A desarrollar la técnica me aboco
que siempre he soñado en mis delirios:
introducir los dos testigos locos.

Convocajoda dijo...

Estimada colaboradora Andrea:

Mu bueno su soneto desde el punto de vista formal, pero esperábamos algo menos clínico, no sé, más comprometido a nivel sensible, algo más cálido que un espéculo.
Creemos que usted puede dar más buceando en su interior...

Convocajoda dijo...

Estimado colaborador Juan Pascualero:

Su caso es parecido al de nuestra Andrea. Formal y rítmicamente su aporte es excelente, pero adolece de cierto pudor maragato y recién al final comienza a mostrar su fuerte vena chánchica. Queremos más, un poco más de arrojo, porque la figura del moco es digna de niños de jardín preescolar. En el último verso recién muestra usted el fuste de su pluma.

Convocajoda dijo...

La Comisión Directiva de Convocajoda está a la espera de la colaboración de La Profesora Flaca.
Le rogamos prontitud en su entrega.

El Tordo dijo...

me enteré en otro lugar que pueden se décimas, tal vez cuartetas, en fin ahora me entusiasma, veré si puedo.
flaca: dejese de joder y escriba algo!!

andal13 dijo...

Estimado/a Convocajoda: es cierto que mi soneto es absolutamente clínico, pero es innegablemente soneto (y la puta madre que da laburo hacer uno!)
Por otra parte, si usted no se hace el bocho con la camilla ginecológica de revisación, los ponchitos cortones, los espéculos y demás, allá usted.

Quizás en un futuro pueda escribir versos que sean más de su agrado, pero no depende de mí, sino de Cronos y de la tropilla de virus que ahora me aqueja.


Y el poema de Juan me encantó y me pareció buenísimo!!!

FLACA dijo...

A Santi ya la joda le acongoja,
no tiene con qué darle a la patraña:/
por más que intente con su sutil maña/
no evita que el desánimo me coja.

Por ahora va un cuarteto respetando la forma a la perfección como sabrán apreciar. Después de ser la Reina de la Salsa por una hora, es lo único que puedo hacer hoy por este blog y por no desalentar a Santiago ni defraudar al Tordo (que habrá podido apreciar que puse "coja").
Lo de "la c de la l" (dicho tan común en la Unión,de donde es oriundo Le Santi), no lo pude rimar con nada, así que queda para otra oportunidad.

Santiago,no sé cómo estoy aquí. Creo que para no desairarte ni desanimarte de tu esfuerzo de hacer algo divertido, porque a mí las chanchadas no me gusta escribirlas ni decirlas. En fin, tú verás.

Convocajoda dijo...

Bueno Flaca, por ser vos accedo a colgar ese cuarteto así solito.Aclaro que las reglas aquí son de poemas terminados, pero bue, lo ponemos.Te diré que para ser tuyo, es algo bastante osado, je.

El Gaucho Patarrajada dijo...

En el bló de Don Santiago
se armó concurso ‘e soneto’
acerca ‘e loj vericueto’
del seso y otroj dilema,
maj tengo un serio problema:
¡Hace tiempo no la meto!

Resulta que aquella tarde
que ejtaba yo con mi china
se largó una lluvia fina
y yo le dije: “¿Qué hacemo’?
¿Tomamoj mate o cogemo’?”
Y me miró muy ladina.

“Mejor me hago unaj torta’”,
dijo mi china dijpuejta,
y se lo juro por éjta:
cazó la alforja máj honda
y se ejcapó, muy horonda,
con la menor de loj Cuejta!

Y desde esa tarde aciaga
sobrevivo a paja pura,
porque se me pone dura
y el chiripá se me ensancha
cada vez que veo una chancha
que ej una preciosura.

Y ujté dirá: ¡Gaucho zonzo,
por qué no se va pal queco!
Qué quiere, si ando maj seco,
como una laucha de pobre.
Y si ujté no tiene un cobre,
ninguna le fía el hueco.

Pues ya le digo, aparcero,
en la soledá del cuarto
de la manuela ejtoy harto!
Maj no se me acerque mucho;
capaj que me ataca el chucho
y a ujté mijmo me lo ensarto!

Convocajoda dijo...

SEÑORES, ES UNA MARAVILLA ESTE REGRESO TRIUNFAL DEL "GAUCHO PATARRAJADA"
QUÉ LO PARIÓ!!!!! ESTO SÍ QUE ES UN POEMA ERÓTICO, SIN CORTAPISAS, SIN FALSOS PUDORES. ESTO ES LO QUE ESTÁBAMOS BUSCANDO, POESÍA SIN EUFEMISMOS...

andal13 dijo...

Será "poesía sin eufemismos" la obra presentada por el Sr. Patarrajada, pero de soneto, no tiene nada!

La Ginecológica Ofendida

Ro dijo...

juauauauaujjuuuuaaaa!!!!!! Todos son maravillosos textos!
Prometo no renunciar sin intentarlo. Pero me perturba que la crítica de este convocajoda sea tan exigente! Yo quisiera poder escribir en prosa, usted disculpe el petitorio, pero sucede que no tengo dotes para el soneto y como dice Andrea da un trabajo espantoso!!!
Sin embrago, trataré.

FLACA dijo...

JAJAJAJAJAJAJA...¡¡¡OPITÍ!!!... El gaucho patarrajada se vino con todo. Sí, es cierto, creo que era una cosa así la que estábamos esperando.
No sé quién se va a animar a hacerle la pata ancha.

andal13 dijo...

¡Por favor, señoras! ¡Vamos que se puede! ¿No pretenderán llenarle el recto de papelitos al pseudo-gaucho ése, no?

FLACA dijo...

Y se va la segunda:


Parece manso, mas la oreja moja;
busca a la Flaca con dulce artimaña,/
mas nada es posible en esta maraña:
a la Canaria todo le sonroja.

Ro dijo...

Cuando ellas se enclitoriaron bicéfalas
místicamente se amaron sin dios
con manos alertas y dos mil ráfagas
de besos mojados con sangre de dos

Cuando ellas sin hombre se atravesaron
lamieron ávidas las oquedades
duras las lenguas espadas rojearon
los pechos servidos como manjares

Carnívoras enredaderas rubias
Al fin dormitan de piernas abiertas
Resbalan en sus cabelleras sucias

de sudor, de sangre, por siempre ardientes
sueños satisfechos de amazonas libres
Espasmos ahogados de culpas yertas

Esto es lo más parecido a lo solicitado que pude exprimir de mi cabeza, buscando un punto de vista distinto. Me pareció que ellas tenían que estar representadas, pero no me sale lo chancho, no hay caso...

Ro dijo...

Mejor dicho, no me sale lo chancho en clave de joda. Al menos no salió esta vez. Besos

FLACA dijo...

Mi muy querida Ross, no te sale lo chancho pero bien que escribís de esas cosas.

Che, y hablando de todo un poco, ¿no les parece que el Tordo reculó?...¿o será que el Gaucho Patarrajada le tapó la boca?

FLACA dijo...

Bo, Santi, arreglá el reloj de tu máquina; está cuatro horas atrasado.

Convocajoda dijo...

La Dirección de este Ateneo reclama la presencia del Tordo para hacer la lectura de su trabajo. Se ruega al Gaucho Patarrajada lo vaya a buscar al queco de la esquina donde seguramente estará sobre un charco de Old Parr.

Convocajoda dijo...

La Dirección de Convocajoda pregunta a la participante Flaca si va a seguir así, largando los versos en cuentagotas o si se va a poner las pilitas y se animará a espetarnos algunas inmundicias canarias.

Convocajoda dijo...

La Dirección de Convocajoda a la participante RO:

Está muy bien lo suyo. Muy políticamente correcto. Una ODA al amor sáfico, con hallazgos destacables como el verbo "enclitoriarse" y bellas imágenes poéticas, como la de las "carnívoras enredaderas rubias", ta todo bien, muy fino, muy bien escrito, PERO NO ES ESO LO QUE QUEREMOS, queremos JODAAAA, ORDINARIEEEEZ!!!

Ro dijo...

La kolestón dijo: Ta bien, convi, ta. Se sabe amistá. Viá tratar de supurar ordinario...es que me salió tipo inglé, a lo ladi.

Ro dijo...

Aclarando...No quise decir que fuera chancha la relación homosexual, sino la particularidad de que están menstruando y la sugerencia de su diseminación por pelos y bocas durante la relación sexual. Aclaro esto porque el Carli, a quien se lo acabo de mostrar, me dijo que parecía que yo ponía como chancha la relación homosexual y no fue mi intención.
Por mucho que he tratado de enfocarlo como una señal de vida fértil, etc, la sangre menstrual siempre me resultó un asquete.
Capaz que no se nota nada de lo que quise poner...Sorry

Convocajoda dijo...

Nada más lejos de nuestro ánimo que coartar la libertad expresiva de nuestros participantes. No le dea pelota al Carli. Y sí, nos dimos cuenta que usted no estaba diciendo que la relación lesbiana fuera una chanchada, solamente nos sorprendió gratamente que nuestras Safos hubieran coincidido en uno de esos días. Con respecto a si la sangre menstrual es un asquete o no, es, como todo, cuestión de gustos.
Insista que usted puede. Trate de despojarse de sus ataduras británicas. Siéntase una lady sí, pero una lady secuestrada por el pirata Morgan que luego de fornicar tres meses con toda la tripulación cambia su personalidad y termina dueña de una cadena de burdeles diseminada por todo el Reino Unido y a los noventa años, todavía sexualmente activa, escribe sus memorias.

andal13 dijo...

¡¡¡Vo, Cóleston, te re zarpaste, sabelo!!!


Me pareció muy pero muy bueno, pero no me da asquete para nada, ni que sea una relación homosexual ni que incluya menstruación. Creo que te quedó tan a lo "lady" que es bellísimo.


Y con respecto al Sr. o Sra. Convocajoda, lo diré en latín: ¡No hay poronga que te venga bien!


¡Jijiji!

El Gaucho Patarrajada dijo...

Pa'l tordo:

Dice Don Convocajoda
que deje un rato el "Olpar"
que se deje 'e bocinar
y componga su soneto.
Si con esto no lo apreto
yo mismo me mando a cagar!


Disculpe, Don Convoca, pero el bló de Don Tordo no deja que publique con mi nombre.

Ro dijo...

Se agradecen conceptos elogiosos y consejos. Lo de Morgan es fascinante... Pero pregunto...Quién es el tordo?

Holandés Errante dijo...

Escróticamente navega aquel hombre
por incandescentes orines oscuros
dejando un reguero de verdes y puros,
hermosos soretes que la brisa hamaca.

no sé por qué mierda navega ese hombre
la oliente cloaca que está entre dos muros
si por vela luce un condón usado
y por bote tiene solamente caca.

y sigue remando por sémenes viejos
este viejo adusto de remar pausado
y piensa y me dice que de esta manera
cagando y cagando va a llegar a Itaca.

Convocajoda dijo...

Señora RO:

La invitamos a desarrollar el tema de Morgan. A esta altura esto ya es un caos así que admitiremos también prosa poética.

El Tordo es un nuevo misterio que tendrá usted que desentrañar.

Convocajoda dijo...

Sr. Holandés:

Bastante bien, no tenemos nada que objetar a su nivel de asquerosidad. En cuanto a lo sexual, lo vemos aludido casi lateralmente, por lo que le recomendamos explotar un poco más ese aspecto.
También se ha tomado algunas libertades métricas, pero a esta altura...

andal13 dijo...

Sr. o Sra. Convocajoda: probablemente El Holandés Errante sea una persona de erotismo anal, así que no se queje!

¿El Holandés Errante será el propio Tordo?

andal13 dijo...

Encontré esto en el blog del Tordo:

El Tordo dijo...
convocajoda:
necesito a usted decirle
y en una forma sensata
que no me rompa las bolas
o lo levanto en la pata.

No me salen los versos
y décimas estoy probando
si no las compongo pronto
voy a salir cagando.

y de usted me daspido
montado en himenóptero
digame comiendo alfalfa
¿que rima con la enterior y con alfa?

El Tordo dijo...

No me asusta el asertijo, pero si la cifraa rimada. Me encantó lo de Ro, tal vez sea lo más acabado en esta página ¿no me invitan?

No me humedezcan más la oreja, si me sale pondré algo.

El Tordo dijo...

El Pedido

Mandemé en nombre paisano
De la amistá de nosotros
Algún muy bonito orto
Bien sobadito a mano
Bolee cualquier travesaño
Cuando salga pa´ Rivera
Resguarde bien su cartera
Y esconda los cartones
Suebran por esas regiones
Putos pa´robar chequeras.

Ni fiado, ni tarjeta
efectivo han de pedir,
por que marica sotreta
solo piden para vivir.
Los prefiero de a garrón
Pa` hombre que monta a iguales
Y aunque no es muy de orientales
Son fáciles de culear
Briscos, travestis y Nanás
Dos machos por dos reales.

No les haga jugarreta
Ni los llame maricón
Por que esos negros careta
Lo ponen en un apurón
Los prefiero de acordeón
Pa bailantas y entreveros
Y aunque le usen un culero
No le afloje a la tenida
que ellos se hacen de unos pesos
al salir pa la avenida

Cuando me lo traiga vamos
a pasear por el lupanar
porque tato tomar Old Parr
muy mamados nos quedamos
por que si a hablar empezamos
de putos y de jaranas
de quilombos y charangas
travestis que conocemos
seguro que la tendremos
paspada de la mamada.

perdón por todo

Convocajoda dijo...

A mí me parece gente
que esta joda ha terminado
ya han entrado los valientes
que en el verso se han probado.

Entró el Juan y muy ladino
no quiso decir chanchadas
se me jué por la tangente
qué maragato tan fino!

Y la Andrea nos yenó el bló
de camiyas y dotores
enfriamientos y ardores
la puta que la parió.

Endispués vino la Flaca
que Dios la tenga en la gloria
vergonzosa la canaria
ni putió ni carajió.

Pero vino no sé como
desde el fondo de la historia
el Gaucho Patarrajada
pesadiya de los bló
y sin pelos en la lengua
largó todo el repertorio
de osenidades sin cuento
y a toditos nos cagó.

Y cuando ya uno se créia
terminados los sonetos
porque son terrible aprieto
dada su dificultá
se apareció la Rossana
con su pluma sin igual
con su verba ensangrentada
cantando a la lesbiandá
en un estilo muy fino
inteletual y florido
pura vanguardia menstrual.

La cereza de la torta
con perdón de la Rossana
fué la intervención del Tordo
(lo esperamo una semana)

El hombre, bastante chancho
se ha tirao contra los brisco
se cagó en tuitas las leye
que ha votao el parlamento
discriminando a lo bobo
a los putos de Uruguay
mejor no ande por la calle
el día del orgullo gay.

Todos mostraron agallas
y bien colocados güevos
pero al dueño de esta casa
le entró el chucho muchachada
cuando entró pisando firme
el Gaucho Patarrajada.

Por eso no escribí nada
porque no me dio la nasta
hay que saber conocer
a los pingos en la cancha
arrugué como un mondongo
no me salió ni un soneto
ni décima ni payada
ni la concha de la chancha
tengo miedo que me ensarte
el Gaucho Patarrajada.

El Tordo dijo...

Buena experiencia Santi, porque no prueba con una conocatoria en prosa sobre un tema cualquiera, como para ir aguzando el ingenio ¿vio?

El Gaucho Patarrajada dijo...

"Máj vale tarde que nunca"
dijo Don Convocajoda,
y escribió también su oda
reconociendo el trabajo
de los puetas del relajo
que se unieron a la joda!

Ro dijo...

Suscribo a la idea del tordo, proponga un tema don convo y le damos. Lo del Morgan no salió. Ya es tarde, me parece... Así que quedo a la espera de la propuesta. Pero por las dudas, ya que estoy al reverendo pedo, insólitamente, propongo: Podríamos hacer una historia en capítulos. Uno por participante. Ya lo hemos hecho y hemos salido con calzones cagados de tanto carcajeo con aquel blogoteatro que hicimos y ahora contamos con el tordo y el holandés errante (que no sé si es el mismo)También podemos hacer una historia ilustrada o una fotonovela, aunque pa eso no tengo scanner y no me sale una raya decente, pero para el que quiera es una variante.
En fin, quedo a la espera, y pido como favor especial que si lo hacemos, usemos a Morgan ajajaj!

andal13 dijo...

Pa' mí que la Ro sintosicó con lagua sigenada que usa pal pelo.

Ro dijo...

Usté siempre ludiendo a mi cabeyo que luse como si lo pechara el sol de tefren, pero despué vien que se prende con todo de la misma boteya del elisir de la joda. Porque si ay una atividá delitiva que usté comete sin asco es la joda a sidiniestra y pa todo lados; no se mi aga la felina cruel y desenbaine la garra charrúa jodona esa que usté tesora, mai darlin.

Ro dijo...

I say yo, juer is de máster of de jode?

andal13 dijo...

Fetivamente, si hay joda me prendo como piojo con bulimia.
Pa mi quel Convocajoda (o la Convocajoda, no me consta el seso que tiene) se jue pa juera con esta cuestione de la semana e turismo, a meno questé domando potro en la rural del prado o dándole al pedal en la vuelta ciclista.
O capaz questá afanando rama di olivo pa vender mañana en la puerta e la iglesia, andá a saber.

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